ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
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