i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
