I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
