Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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