I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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