so explain again why im purple
no
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
