I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
