I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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