I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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