All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
