Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have demons in me.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
