I wish I could punch you in the face.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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