people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
