if i died would you start the facebook group?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
