Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
