my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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