in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize