You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
