just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
