the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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