why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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