My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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