Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
