I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize