I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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