i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
