Your face is a jimmy john
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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