i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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