I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
