Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
