He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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