So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
