You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
