A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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