My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
