Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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