If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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