He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
