coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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