I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
