And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
