Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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