The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
