remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
