hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
In other news, I just burned my penis
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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