Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
