I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
