Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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