"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
