So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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