been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
