Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
