Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
