There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
