Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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