I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
