It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
