if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
