just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
