Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
