ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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