Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
