first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
