what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize