I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
