ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
