If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
