Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
