who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We are two peas in an std pod
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
BRING THE BAGELS
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
