Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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