So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
