I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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