if you like me you must not know who I am
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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