Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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