i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
