Christians are straight up FREAKS
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
