My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
