there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
