she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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