I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
