do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
