Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
