alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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