tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
