He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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