i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you win again, gameday.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
