yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
