How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He shit in the fireplace
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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