Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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